Faded Memories...

It has been a while... There was the faded memory that led me onto a different path, one that I was longing for and that I found, the one I have now turned my back on. I found my perfect job, the one I had always dreamed of. The one I wrote about. And for a short period of time I was over the moon, all jittery and excited - naively, really.

When I made the change it quickly emerged to me that I was working for the Devil That Wears Blue. I am trying to get out. I have had very long, sad months, and hope a new change will come soon. All I can say is that my dream has burst and I am working on building a new one for myself...

A few thing that make me happy. Jenna Lyons walk-in closet, several beautiful photographs by Fashion Toast and Nicky Hilton's gorgeous glass fronted wardrobes.

Somewhere A World Exists...

"The Hotel" at The Los Angeles Athletic Club, a dream..... designed by Tracy Beckmann. She's done a few other cool projects such as The Tar Pit in LA. The only real negative on her CV is her stint working for Kelly Wearstler, who's grotesque sense of design and close-to-nudie-pictures in her own design books are nothing short of appalling. Luckily this girl has got her own ethos which is just a tad bit cooler and so much more sophisticated.

The first time I have seen a 'gentleman's club' design with such an amazing outcome. I want, seriously. Maybe this is the time where I will swallow my pride and shamelessly copy every single detail into my own home. Really, I might.

Lets Wander Around And Get Our Bearings Straight

How can I go on living without this chair?

*Sigh
I think it will go well with the jeans I'm wearing right now. Thhey look a little bit like this -


























The same jeans that my boyfriend, with his perfect suit, tie and Church's shoes, said made me resemble 'an 80s heroin addict'.

I think I'll just have to take that as a compliment...

The Usual Pack Of Paparazzi

A merry Christmas post.
I am in white fluffy snow, that is the perfect kind: white and powdery. It lets off this feeling of warmth and cosiness, and I couldn't resist the simple pleasure of posting pretty pictures. They are editorials from fashion magazines, but I love the homes in which they were taken, and the languid feel atached to them.

There's Natalie Portman, and in all honesty, I pay attention to her mostly because I've been told I look like her on film. I take this as a compliment so when I saw these beautiful shots for January US Vogue (via Fashion Gone Rogue) I instantly knew they suited my Christmas mood perfectly and I wanted to share them.

Also, a few lovely shots from Marie Claire Italia, (also via Fashion Gone Rogue) whose feeling encompasses exacly what I want to do and how I want to feel in live... and the most beautiful home I wish to own. Wouldn't you dream of all that dark wood panelling and clean, white sheets thrown around the bed in sheer romanticism?

Through The Looking Glass

Seeing from the project I put up last, I am quite interested in designing furniture. I specialise in restaurants and bars, so that mainly includes chairs and tables. Despite my lack of interest in residential design, I do always dream of making my own cupboards and bedside tables. I wish I had a studio with every tool imaginable and all necessary knowledge concerning making these things structurally stable.

Lately I have been walking past Gallery Fumi, which is a very small gallery which always has amazing furniture on display. I love simple, yet high quality materials, such as chrome, brass, timber and leather. And the furniture featured is always constructed with these amazingly simple and stunningly luxurious materials. I am not a fan of using vinyls and plastics and those newly developed materials that are cheap and chic right now.

I always wonder, how do furniture makers make their money? Their products are undoubtedly worth a lot, but do they make money exhibiting? My guess is they build their name by showing their work in galleries and perhaps to sell at the same time, or receive offers from large furniture companies to design several pieces. Still, the beginning of a career must be an expensive one, and require some investment of time and most of all, money. My recent favourites at Fumi are Paul Kelley and Tina Roeder.

Tina Roeder:

Paul Kelley:

Let Them All Eat Napkets!

I have been passing by Napket for quite a while now and I am officially curious. I love what it looks like. But it's a bit intimidating. It looks like it could be expensive, although I am sure it will be affordable. After all, it IS a glorified Pret-a-Manger. Plus, I like the fact that they target the upscale crowd, but simultaneously make fun of them, by calling them 'snobs'. It makes me wonder, does their clientèle not know? Don't they understand that 'snob' is a derogative term? Either way, it amuses me and I am dying to find a friend to come along with me and visit the place.

The last time I convinced a friend to join me on a little investigation it was the Ex-Friend who came along to The Wolseley. It was a beautiful space and I'll always remember entering the bathroom area downstairs and thinking, all bathrooms should look like this. But unfortunately they don't.

Funnily enough, The Wolseley was another restaurant where the colour black dominates. I think I have a thing for it. One of my projects at university included a private member's club called The Black Bar. As you can imagine, the interior was all black. In fact, I will show the drawings in another post soon to follow.

I was quite surprised when I found a few renders of the space, done by a studio who I can't locate at this moment. The visuals are not amazing. They lack emotion and it looks like they haven't been rendered at the highest quality. Or perhaps the light is just a bit bland. I wonder what program they used? I am not up to the point where I can make assumptions, but I am curious!

... It Didn't Materialise Quite The Way I Imagined...

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It's just after eleven. I am quite inspired to do some work, get on with it, instead my work day has been filled with sourcing black toilets and stalking my Ex-Friend on-line. There are two conclusions. One, they don't exist. Two, stalking is strangely satisfying.

Yes. About that last comment: Reading blogs is a strange sensation. When your (ex-)friends write them and they keep them rather personal, it almost feels as though you can know more about them by just reading their blogs than by actually talking to them. That is how I feel. If the Ex-Friend knew how much I have been rereading all of her entries and how often I check for updates, she would be extremely satisfied. I mean, she didn't de-friend me without hoping to get anything out of it. Otherwise she would've just stopped talking to me and inviting me over for cheese and wine. No, making such a statement really put her at the forefront of my mind and she definitely received what she wanted: Her exposure on the Internet has caused me to envy her life and regret that I am no longer a part of it. Soon, however, it will get boring. It always does.

It's safe to say I've been a bit distracted. And while I was still ready to jump on the wagon and get going with all of my creative oompa loompa juice, my Vectorworks Student License was denied. They never used to check the applications much, as far as I could tell, but apparently that has changed. Now there are two options left. I can either try and download VWX and Renderworks on the Internet somewhere (sssh), or I've seen sites that sell one-year student licenses for about 85 pounds, which would definitely be worth it.

First, when I come back in the new year I will install a trial version, in the meantime I can do some research and see how far I get locating and installing a full version. This still doesn't excuse me not doing work though, I should start laying out my portfolio with all the project I have completed...

I'll Remember This Little Talk Of Ours...

There I was, freshly inspired and ready to take on combat. There are a few projects I need to embark on, that I am desperate to have grace my portfolio, but when I was all set up and ready to go, my Vectorworks Student License had expired.

What a bummer. I have been living off the free year-long student licenses for the past few years now, due to a student card that has no date on it and an ever-changing e-mail account. I immediately applied for a new license, naturally, and I hope it will come through and I can continue my work in my personal time.

The projects are the following:
A personal project of a hotel bar that is very much exactly what I would design if I worked for myself.
It looks a little bit like this ---

It is my design completely. I loved designing the furniture and I am a little bit in love with the bar stools, made of pale green leather and brass details. The walls are made of feathers, a different colour from the one below. A very pricey option.

My problem is that the walls come across as too boring and I have yet to design a solution. I need another view of the banquette seating on the other side of the room, but the walls are causing issues. I am not much for putting up art, and want to deal with the issue with a more architectural approach.

I need some close-ups of the furniture and off it can go into my portfolio.


The other project is one from work: an area in a new shopping centre.
It is quite a high profile job, and I loved our presentation and most of our ideas. I am afraid we didn't get the job, but I designed the retail units, the decorative shutter doors and a variety of display units. We did not use all of my ideas, but I designed everything in 3D, and it's just waiting for me to render it and place it in the space.

At work we outsourced the 3D renders, but they did not do the best job, and I believe I can do it myself just as well. Well, maybe not as WELL, but I know I can do the job and make it look good. I am impressed with the capabilities of Renderworks and I enjoy the program. Rendering is always time consuming but I already did most of the modelling, and I would love to show such a large scale project in my portfolio, executed all on my own.

Now is just a wait to have a new version of Vectorworks approved. Soon, soon soon!

"Only Dumb People Are Truly Happy"

I read an essay in ELLE, in which the author began with describing herself in the past tense: "I was, in no particular order of importance: 26; a journalist; and a total mess, an angry tangle of insecurity and anxiety."

I have been able to describe myself in similar fashion for quite some time. I wouldn't say I'm a mess, particularly, but certainly something along those lines, in a more anti-social, OCD kind of way. An angry tangle of insecurity and anxiety, I certainly am.

This is the first year I have a 9.30 to 6.30 job (if not longer due to the never-ending deadlines) and just like everybody else, I find it a strange concept. I take enjoyment in the little things. That I can be sick off work and still get paid. That I can go on a holiday to Egypt for 10 days and still get paid. That I have money transferred into my account every month, even though it's a lousy amount that will never allow me to buy a dress AND shoes at the end of the month. Also knowing that after 6 months on contract, I can only be fired after a month's notice, instead of 1 week.

But then the downsides: It's not the perfect job. It's not where I want to be. I am a creative person but my work doesn't satisfy me creatively. What we design, I believe, is simply not very pretty, not up to my standards. Basically, I am working for the wrong boss. But the right boss hasn't needed me to join his firm yet. So I am waiting. Waiting for life to happen. I am tired every evening. And I lie down and do nothing.

Despite that, there are all these things in the back of my mind that I want to do once my life begins. But it hasn't begun yet, and all these things in the back of my mind are also waiting. They are things such as: Finishing the book I began writing at university; Making that dress I have been dreaming of; Enter architectural competitions and add more beautiful projects to my portfolio. Instead, they are all waiting until I am finally doing in life what I want to be doing.

A little interlude before we get back on track: My friend C and I were recently de-friended by one of our best friends. An action that came suddenly, out of nowhere and unexplained, to top it off. I know that C and the Ex-Friend have known each other since they were very young, and they had grown apart, which put a strain on our mutual relationship. Meanwhile, I had befriended the Ex-Friend when I first came to London and we went to university together, studying Creative Writing. We lived together, then C came to London and we became great friends too. The Ex-Friend comes from a privileged background and lives in a lovely home in central London with her Mean Sister, paid for by her father, just like her living expenses. She has great talents for writing, filming and music, but her money is the factor that allows her to indulge in these hobbies and develop them into something, possibly, more fruitful in the future. I envy this, as I have worked my way through university and am working now, every single day, to collect a meagre salary while I waste my evenings on the sofa watching films, tired, waiting.

Her time is what I envy. I know it makes her bored, which is why she is forced to fixate on her creative outlet, but it's what I want. The grass is always greener, I will certainly admit to that. She is in a band, and I have always supported her, going to every one of her gigs unless I was working the night shift, even surprising her once at a performance and when necessary, widening my shoulders in an attempt to fill up the nearly-empty venue. I thought I was a good friend, and my relationship with her shouldn't have anything to do with her relationship with C. Although my guess surrounding her reasons for de-friending us, centre around her troubles with accepting their friendship's change, and this must have caused a certain jealousy towards me and C's good relation.

I feel ambivalent regarding her de-friending actions. She blocked C on Facebook one day, and the next week she blocked me. I found out through my housemate, as my activities on Facebook remain extremely limited. C and I were expecting notice of the next cheese and wine party, instead we got this. It was a shallow attempt at evoking a reaction. And we didn't. We didn't react. It didn't deserve one. Were we expected to beg for a sad, remaining friendship? To discuss any issues that did not exist? I wasn't interested. And with that, a friendship ended up on the cutting floor.

Recently, I found out that she has been keeping a blog in which she discusses 'relationships, work and the overall highs and lows in life'. One chapter discusses the shallowness of 'Fakebook' and how she doesn't have time for people who take it too seriously. I have to keep myself from making an anonymous comment to remind herself of her own Fakebook mastery.

Reading her entries inspire only in the sense that she appears to be doing what she wants to do. Which is something to admire in anyone who follows their dreams and seems to be enjoying the journey. That bring me back to me: Am I not doing what I want to be doing? Because I certainly AM. Why do I need the awkwardly revealing, yet ultimately misleading blog of an Ex-Friend to remind myself that I should treasure my journey and keep on fighting for what I want? What am I waiting for? More time? It will never come. The time I spent gaining experience at work, is the time she wastes at home to boredom. If anything, right now is the perfect time to write that book and sew that dress. Right now, I am NOT in the perfect job which is why I should spend my free time progressing, extending my portfolio and succeeding in the other areas that I feel passionate about. I am not the kind of person to just focus on one thing, and now is the time to do exactly that. Move away from the tiredness. Active and fruitful evenings are much more stimulating.

And here's the thing. I know I am a woman of talents and the power to execute them. I know my current situation is only the beginning. I shouldn't need an Ex-Friend to remind me of that. From now on, it will be my own newly-found common sense that will keep me going.

To be continued, so watch this space...

I Think I Can See The Light...

Okay, so I don't normally love the modern interiors but I can just envision myself as an LA actress taking a swim in this stunning pool in the morning... and maybe in the evening, accompanied by a glass of champagne and strawberries (and a hot guy) after a long days work at the studio...

Interior by Ong & Ong Architects via OutInHome